Saturday, 13 April 2019

Bittersweet musings (Ugadi special)

~ 79 weeks to my 'Tees' (30th) ~

This week, was yet another new beginning. I started my 3-month stint at the busiest children emergency in the country. I had done a posting earlier at the home-hospital's children emergency, but a new place always can be overwhelming and to get accustomed to everything new - right from the software to the infrastructure, the people, the culture - can be nervewracking!

Coupled with the pre-shift team-based learning sessions and evening shifts way past midnight, at 3am+ when I'd finally knock off, I would be so tired - and to be woken up before even 4 hours of sleep by a toddler, who wanted me to brush him, change him, drop him to school - whoa! One of the nights, I just crashed in another room, oblivious to my little one, so I could clock more sleeping hours!! So, clearly the week didn't start all that easy - but it did give me good time in the morning for myself and later early afternoon, to cuddle with my cutie, before rushing for work.

And so when, the weekend finally arrived - and I had a relatively easier day (still not a complete off day) - I invited the friends' gang over for FriYay dinner and drinks at home. I threw my stress out by mulling wine, plating cheese and cooking fine dinner (by my standards ;)). Also, did some home improvement stuff, like finally putting some photo frames up against the modernist world map, giving some breathing space to the many stuffed toys and finding a new spot for a creeper plant, and some fresh flowers to brighten it all up.

It felt good to catch up with the gang after quite a few weeks in fact; and just spend a chill evening under dim warm yellow lights, with soulful music playing in the background. 
After an initial shy period, Ayaan warmed up too and was in his best behaviour! So proud of this boy!

By the end of the week, I was settling in already. And while Prantik, held the fort at home, on one of my journeys back home, I realised that it really is all about perception. I was basing my stress on other people's interpretations and perceptions - I was told many a time, that this posting is busy, is 'hardship' and such - and I was matching my experiences, to others perceptions. But what I realised was that internally, I didn't really feel that terrible - and was only reflecting off others' experiences - which had to stop. Stress occurs when there is a mismatch in what is vs what it's perceived as, nothing a subtle paradigm shift couldn't fix. So while cooking, mulling wine etc was great to bust the stress, better still was to shake the very foundation on which that very stress was based and kill it from the root. I faced my shortcomings and my insecurities head on, and held my vulnerability on a platter - and felt perfect, embracing my imperfections. When one does that, the pressure lifts, one feels lighter and even performs better. I decided to put a fresh lens on and see sans tainted glasses. 

As the sun set over the first weekend of April, I fought the virus that the first week at the children emergency had blessed me with (literally and figuratively); yet, in gratitude, for the dawn of a tad bit of wisdom, traced my steps along with my favourite boys, to the temple at Little India, to thank the higher Force, for reminding me repeatedly that we're just a speck of dust, in this large Universe and that one mustn't give undue importance to the many events that occur in our lives-  be a witness, sure, but maintain one's poise nonetheless, stay grounded, stay rooted, living one day at a time, consciously, being present in the present moment. For like everything else, this phase too shall pass. But grateful, we must always be. 
Here's to accepting the bitterness and sweetness alike - happy Ugadi folks! 

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