Sunday 6 September 2015

Inside Out ©

Last weekend after a sumptuous 26-dish "OnaSadya" - the gastronomic feast served on a banana/plantain leaf, we headed for a Pixar animation movie with friends - "Inside Out"

It was a simple movie, about the "little voices in our heads" (And, no these are not the twisted, hallucinatory voices.) These are just our varied emotions talking to us, on a daily basis and in ways, perhaps unknown to us, how they actually run our lives.

There have been many ideologies and philosophies about life's guiding forces and energies. Be it the Nav Rasas, the Seven Chakras, the Tri Gunas or just a single unified divine consciousness - God, the higher Force; but at a very simplistic, individualistic level, if one were to understand and identify what really governed our day-to-day lives, the simple answer would be thoughts and emotions. And this is what exactly the movie is about. 5 prime emotions. (Ya, I've never quite understood, how most of these are actually 'odd numbers'! Anyways!)

(in alphabetical order ;))
1. Anger
2. Disgust
3. Fear
4. Joy
5. Sadness

A week I spent by myself, primarily - in silence, predominantly - paying attention to the inner voices. :) I must say, it was an interesting exercise to actually be mindful of all the thoughts and emotions splashing through the ocean of my mind, and just let them be.

I used the time to do stuff that I haven't made time for in some time. So I read, I caught up with Grey's Anatomy, I went for solo walks accompanied by the pleasant evening breeze and when I felt lazy to cook, I just settled in watching random movies on Netflix, with some honey-glazed fried chicken and Bundaberg ginger beer. #Joy

Amma often makes stuff he likes like Appams, Puranpolis, Besan Laddoos, so I've even asked her whose mom she is?! Haha! There were even moments of pseudo-anger when they'd not share with me what they were planning (they call themselves the Conspiracy Team!). #Anger

But big picture, it's all 'Joy'. I'd often eavesdrop on the fun conversation that went about at Bangalore, as Prantik spent time after work, at home with my parents and brother. They teased me, laughed out loud - it was so endearing to see them bond thus. We are truly blessed to have parents and parents-in-law who are truly all-embracing and forever-giving. #Joy

A singular moment of low was when my hormones ran havoc in my body (yes, a monthly affair in every female's body); and some reason, augmented by isolation-of-sorts, it decided to overpower my physical self; additionally, an upset tummy added to the woes! (Mental note: No more outside food this week!) #Sadness

But again, I popped in a pill; focussed on my breathing; did what I had to do, and ignored that voice completely! And let 'Joy' reign over the uneasiness and thus, empower me :) It was also nice to be able to meditate together with my Mum in Bangalore, as Guruji guided a session in Orissa. All thanks to technology! Long live FaceTime :D  #Joy

There were times, when Pran would be unreachable. I knew he was on the road, traveling somewhere. Maybe his network was bad, maybe his iPhone battery had died (which is most often the case, thanks to his excessive phone usage :P) - all very logical explanations to why he wasn't picking my call. But, the stupid nagging voice in my head, makes me fear the worst! It's annoying, it can potentially leave me with palpitations and insomnia! Ugh #Fear

But then, I just pray and surrender. And hope earnestly, that I'm being unreasonable. And he's safe out there. His phone's silent/dead. And he'll call me as soon as he can. And sure enough, he does! Phew! Praise the Lord. To listen to his calm voice (reminds me of our long distance days!) and have him laugh at me when I tell him I was getting worried, simultaneously calming me down too with his kind words; I chide myself for being silly and laugh along. #Joy

Sigh! The heart-wrenching picture of the toddler in red, and dead, at the beach; a result of the Syrian war; went viral on social media. Hundreds of people fleeing the war-struck state, trying their luck to cross the deadly waters and find safer ground for themselves and their families - with no place to call their home - the life of these refugees is indeed filled with misery - all of it comes with a feeling of helplessness...Especially the account of the father, whose son (and other son, and wife) had thus died was agonising to say the least. The general state of worldly affairs... sigh!  #Disgust

As I battled with the sense of disillusionment that accompanied such news; work brought me back to the present. Working in the Emergency Medicine department is a blessing indeed. It teaches one to focus on the matter at hand, to multi-task, and amongst many other things, to be face-to-face with the reality that "Life is Short" and thus, always, "Choose Happiness". And that's what I did.
I caught the early morning train to the airport, to pick my husband up at the airport. While chasing dawn break, I read "O's Little Book of Happiness", a refreshing collection of anecdotes (which I'm thoroughly enjoying). I had my favourite South Indian breakfast, Onion Uttapam at Ananda Bhavan while Prantik sipped on Bru coffee. We spend good time together, watching a Rom-Com later at night, while savouring sparkling Moscato, way past midnight. Thus, also commemorating a year since we got this current rented apartment and of course, a belated 9th month celebration. #Joy

Simple days. Simple joys.

A week of being alone yet not.
A week of listening to the inner voices.
A week of choosing happiness.

T-5wks



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